A Public Radio Pledge Drive Drinking Game

The goal: Get drunk enough to actually donate money to the station.

Drink every time:

• Announcer explains how, even though St. Louis Public Radio is free to listen to, it’s not free, free
• A morning host says how much Diane Rehm loves it when people from St. Louis call in to her show
• Announcer mentions “driveway moments”
• Ira Glass lays on the guilt trip, threatens to call you at home
• Finish everything in your NPR mug if Ira Glass actually does call you at home, then retracts his previous guilt trip and apologizes
• It’s mentioned that the station has just two fundraising campaigns a year rather than three, so you can enjoy more of its in-depth reporting about warlords and bees
• Someone throws down a “challenge” to raise a wholly unrealistic sum of money before the end of the hour (i.e., $2,700 in the next twelve minutes)
• Two drinks if the challenge is sponsored by a doctor or a law firm
• Announcer notes that it costs $35 to become a member of St. Louis Public Radio, but many people choose to give more
• Finish everything in your glass if announcer coolly suggests donating more than $100 a month
• You hear the words “sustaining” or “cornerstone”
• The number to call to make a donation, 314-516-4000, is said two or more times in a row
• Chug every drop in your possession if an announcer tacks on the word “bitches,” as in, “Call 314-516-4000 to donate now, bitches!” and donate one year’s salary — winner!

[Via the Riverfront Times]